It’s been months since I had it
Winter is over
Today was beautiful
What better way celebrate?
Sweet and savory
Cool and creamy
Packed with my favorite flavors
But it’s different this time
It doesn’t taste like it used to
What is different this time?
It couldn’t have changed
But it is not the same
Is it no longer my favorite?
I don’t want to find a different one
What if it isn’t better?
Can I go without a favorite?
What a sad spring day that would be next year
Something is missing
I’m scrolling through
I can’t find it
Where did it go?
I’m not sure what it is exactly
But I know it is missing
How did I loose it?
I know there was something there before
Which is not there now
Is it just misplaced?
Or could it be lost forever?
Can I replace it with something else?
Something better?
I need to find it
To find the new
I can’t remember exactly what the old one was like
But this new one will be better
What is it that I’m looking for?
- letterstogram
I’m debating some of my feelings.
First:
Pretty sure my best friend and previous roommate and I would be perfect together, but neither of us are on that page of our lives and currently see life to differently from on another.
Second:
My best friend and previous roommate’s best friend and I dated once upon a time and are also close. After a big falling out and not speaking for over a year, we are back to being as close as ever. Since I moved back to NH he has expressed his feelings for me, almost to a point of force feeding me to fall for him. But always brings up our mutual inability to commit.
Third:
A long time friend - and first boyfriend ever (third grade) - who has been a consistent presence in my life has caught my attention. After a maybe-that-shouldn’t-have-happen weekend almost two years ago, we spent less time together. Friends and family ways question our relationship and the potential to be more. This weekend I went with him to a friends wedding, he was the best man. Love was in the air and our secret past became obvious to our friends.
Now, I’m thinking he is the one I want more with, but he lives three hours away and hasn’t reached out to let me know how he might feel. I’ll be seeing him this weekend, and he wants me to visit the weekend after, but I’m afraid our casual sex friendship has taken the lead and a relationship is out of reach.
My best friend also told his best friend/my ex butt buddy that I was ‘in love with him’ this weekend. Which knowing him, meant I cared a out him can’t decide what to do. But ex butt buddy sees it as a sure thing moment where he no longer has to try.
Now I have the guy I want the least acting like he’s got me in the bag.
The guy I want the most acting like there is nothing be had with me.
And the guy life would be perfect with if all the stars aligned misinterpreting what I want.
Holy mind fuck. I need some girl friends.
Today you sent me this picture. It seems so simple, but you wore these socks to your meeting about your job interview to find out if you got it. You wore them for good luck. I gave you these socks after Christmas because I was never going to ware them. You said, ‘if I ware a pair, will you ware a pair?’ You sent me this picture to tell me you got the job. Did you want me there with you? I feel like I was…
I think when you love someone, you love them as the person they are and not for the concept of them or loving them anymore. I think a lot of relationships and marriages don’t work out in the end because I think sometimes partners end up not knowing all of each others flaws and behaviors. Instead,…
And there he is again…
(Source: soaphie)
I’m not sure how it happen, but I have more boys then I know what to do with.
1. Old flame, hot army guy. Tried things once and it didn’t work, been great friends ever since.
2. Guy I dated over the summer. Came out of left field the other night, come to find out he still wants it.
3 & 4. While out with guy one on Friday, picked up two guys at the bar, at the same time! I have two dates this week.
5. A guy friend from high school and I got dinner the other night to catch up, figured it was because mutual friends just had a baby, now he’s asking me out on real dates.
6. Trusty friend with bene’s keeps asking me out. I see him once every few months or so. All of a sudden he wants to hangout all the time.
The worse part is I don’t really want any of them… Oh well. Feels good to be wanted once in a while though :))
I moved back home with the rents, weird. They are still in love and I idolize them. It’s 11:30 on a Thursday, and they’re up watching tv, laughing and just happy to be together. They are best friends, they look forward to being together; I want that more than anything else.
On a somewhat serious note today because of a conversation the other day:
I am sure every girl can recall, at least once as a child, coming home and telling their parents, uncle, aunt or grandparent about a boy who had pulled her hair, hit her, teased her, pushed her or committed some other playground crime. I will bet money that most of those, if not all, will tell you that they were told “Oh, that just means he likes you”. I never really thought much about it before having a daughter of my own. I find it appalling that this line of bullshit is still being fed to young children. Look, if you want to tell your child that being verbally and/or physically abused is an acceptable sign of affection, i urge you to rethink your parenting strategy. If you try and feed MY daughter that crap, you better bring protective gear because I am going to shower you with the brand of “affection” you are endorsing.
When the fuck was it decided that we should start teaching our daughters to accept being belittled, disrespected and abused as endearing treatment? And we have the audacity to wonder why women stay in abusive relationships? How did society become so oblivious to the fact that we were conditioning our daughters to endure abusive treatment, much less view it as romantic overtures? Is this where the phrase “hitting on girls” comes from? Well, here is a tip: Save the “it’s so cute when he gets hateful/physical with her because it means he loves her” asshattery for your own kids, not mine. While you’re at it, keep them away from my kids until you decide to teach them respect and boundaries.
My daughter is `10 years old and has come home on more than one occasion recounting an incident at school in which she was teased or harassed by a male classmate. There has been several times when someone that she was retelling the story to responded with the old, “that just means he likes you” line. Wrong. I want my daughter to know that being disrespected is NEVER acceptable. I want my daughter to know that if someone likes her and respects her, much less LOVES her, they don’t hurt her and they don’t put her down. I want my daughter to know that the boy called her ugly or pushed her or pulled her hair didn’t do it because he admires her, it is because he is a little asshole and assholes are an occurrence of society that will have to be dealt with for the rest of her life. I want my daughter to know how to deal with assholes she will encounter throughout her life. For now, I want my daughter to know that if someone is verbally harassing her, she should tell the teacher and if the teacher does nothing, she should tell me. If someone physically touches her, tell the teacher then, if it continues, to yell, “STOP TOUCHING/PUNCHING/PUSHING ME” in the middle of class or the hallway, then tell me. Last year, one little boy stole her silly bandz from her. He just grabbed her and yanked a handful of them off of her wrist. When I went to the school to address the incident, the teacher smiled and explained it away to her, in front of me, “he probably has a crush on you”. Okay, the boy walked up to my daughter, grabbed and held her by the arm and forcibly removed her bracelets from her as she struggled and you want to convince her that she should be flattered? Fuck off. I am going to punch you in the face but I hope you realize it is just my way of thanking you for the great advice you gave my daughter. If these same advice givers’ sons came home crying because another male classmate was pushing them, pulling their hair, hitting them or calling them names, I would bet dollars to donuts they would tell him to defend themselves and kick the kid’s ass, if necessary. They sure as shit wouldn’t say, “he probably just wants a play date”.
I will teach my daughter to accept nothing less than respect. Anyone who hurts her physically or emotionally doesn’t deserve her respect, friendship or love. I will teach my boys the same thing as well as the fact that hitting on girls doesn’t involve hitting girls. I can’t teach my daughter to respect herself if I am teaching her that no one else has to respect her. I can’t raise sons that respect women, if I teach them that bullying is a valid expression of affection.
The next time that someone offers up that little “secret” to my daughter, I am going to slap the person across the face and yell, “I LOVE YOU”.
Filed into my personal parenting guide
(via obliteratedheart)
But I think I might have fallen for him…
We talk everyday, whether we mean to or not.
Every time I think about the future, whether it’s an hour form now or ten years, he’s there.
I catch myself talking about him.
He says things like, “can’t wait to show you…” and “let me do it for you….” and “what do you think?”
He sends me random pictures to share his day.
Everything reminds me of him.
I miss him, all the time…
I moved back to NH. Damn, gave up on Boston. But that’s ok. I only miss one thing. My roommate. I miss him a lot.
Sometimes you just need to be completely inappropriate and ridiculous. It makes me happy to make others happy.
I want that. To still be that in love. To know what I have. To be so deeply in love, and with my best friend.
I have always wanted my own dog, even more so now that I have a good sized apartment and yard. But the roommate protests, damn. It isn’t practical really. I don’t have enough time, I travel too much (to NH and back) and it wouldn’t be fair to the dog with my schedule. Oh well, guess I have to wait.
Today my roommate comes home and announces he found a dog HE wants. Wait. What? Now that it’s your idea, a dog is a good idea?! WTF. Just because a dog is considered a man’s best friend does not mean we can now get a dog because YOU want to. I think I deserve a best friend. And his name will be Bruschi and he will be a 125+ pound Greater Swiss Mountian Dog. Booya. Way to open a can a worms roomie.
I Can’t Make You Love Me | Adele
How fitting for the days events… Love.
(Source: thatchman1)
Life can be pretty lonely.
I’ve called, but I haven’t talked to my parents since Thanksgiving.
I haven’t talked to my best friend in two weeks.
I haven’t heard back from my girl friend from college in over a month.
There are no boys in my life, shocking.
One friend moved to Cali in September, miss her
One friend is life planning for the baby on the way, so excited.
One friend is running marathons and traveling every weekend, wish I was that motivated.
I wonder how many days will go by before I see my roommate again.
It’s not about where you are, but who you’re with. I would give it all up if I had people to be with. But maybe that’s the point, maybe this is my hint to focus on what I do have. I live in Boston and I have a job, still lonely though.
